Back Again

It has been quite a while since i’ve posted anything, and its taken a nice, neat MacBook and the elegantly designed interface to give me the urge to write again.

But this time my blog is gonna change a little.

Since my last couple of posts I have become amerced into the world of art!
Photography, Sketching and Painting.

So from now of that it what my posts will be about, and of course I will try and squeeze in some moaning for those of you who will miss it.

As this is the enthusiastic initial post to introduce my new subjects I wont be adding much, just the below links, feel free to look at my photos, I will be adding more and more soon, including paintings and sketches!

Flickr

500.px

Mum

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Left to right: Me, My brother Paul, Mum, Uncle John, Grampa, Granny, Cousin Josh.,

Its been quite a while since my post about Cancer and such a shame that my next post about the same subjectcomes at the end of my mothers fight.

I keep thinking it was best result because she was suffering, maybe the end result was inevitable. And if she had survived then it would be more and more suffering. Not an easy way to think about it because of the conflict that even you may have experienced.

Its so easy to blame people for what happened to my Mum.

I could blame the GP whom she went to many months before being diagnosed, complaining of a pain in her lower back, who instead of investigating the issue further just prescribed anti inflammatory drugs to stop the pain. Anti inflammatory drugs are being investigated due to suspicion that they can help the tumor grow.

I could blame the hospital she was admitted to when the GP said she had a small cold and thought it was best if she was under observation. In that hospital she caught pneumonia which for a stage 4 Cancer patient was not the best side order.

I could go on about blame in the post as much as its gone through my head, but I doubt I’d ever finish it.

Patricia Cummings previously held the surname Tovey, she was born and raised in the front room of a terraced house in Seaside, Llanelli.

She was my mother, someone who supported me and my brother Paul throughout our lives with honest, genteel advice about anything and everything I wanted to do.

Throughout her fight with stage 4 kidney cancer she had looked up to her mother who had fought cancer three times in her life and survived the very lowest boundaries of suffering, she said once “don’t worry, I have my mother’s genes”.

My mum was the type of person who would wrap everyone in a big blanket and make them feel warm and welcome. She had an ability to talk to anyone about anything, and would make anyone feel comfortable and happy to open up their thoughts and feelings.

One thing I remember about mum is the way she would love to party, she was always so much fun to be around, if it was sunny she would think of any excuse to have a BBQ, and make sure she would invite all sides of our family. And then as a family we would stay up lateinto the night and talk about anything and everything, eventually when she got a little too drunk she would say such an expressive exclamation “you know! I gave birth to you!” while swinging her arms about.

Early Tuesday 21st December my Mum passed peacefully, no more suffering, no more fighting. She was silent and calm.

She left two boys Paul and myself, a loving brother John, two parents Mina and Alfred and a committed and deeply besotted partner Andrew who was held her hand through the whole the 12 month fight.

Looking for someone to blame will neverbring ourloved onesback.

I would rather remember my mums love and strength.

Mum, just as you would say… All my love, always. Xxx

Evil Computers?

So what’s so good about the internet?

That’s what I hear more and more rarely, which is good.

So yes there is plenty wrong with the internet but there has also been plenty wrong with many things:

  • Drugs: long-lasting side effects, misuse, Crime.
  • Cars: Bad for the environment, misuse which can cause death if not just serious harm.
  • Advertising: Can influence people to lose weight, drives people to spend money thus possibly running in to debt.

I am sure there is plenty more and I challenge you to think of anything that we use in our lives which can’t be misused and may become harmful.

Maybe we should save our energy for when eventually all the computers get bored of being poked, prodded, kicked and made to suffer the constant whirring of their insides while we search you tube for people falling off trampolines, and start turning against us in their masses, lifting Steve Jobs high in the air as master and commander.

Just what do you think you’re doing, Dave?

Information is power, that is what the internet is, information. We’re not going to suspect someone of criminal activity just because they spend too much time in the library.  I sit on my settee with my laptop on my…lap (obviously) with the TV spewing adverts for everything from make-up to alcohol, and once upon a time in a place called the past you would easily see Cigarettes being advertised, and why not? we didn’t blame the TV we blamed the cigarettes.

We shouldn’t hate the internet, not what it is, but its what’s on it.

Free speech!

Its easy for people to say, “ok yeah, but the internet uncontrollable” yeah china said that, and look what they did, built the great Firewall of  China!

It can be controlled, you have The Internet Watch Foundation, FBI, the Met e-Crime unit and loads more, but thanks to the technology developed thanks to the existence of the internet, security agencies are even better at keeping tabs on situations. Some people even say that Google is often helps the Government, well why the hell not! It’s keeping us safe.  For those of you who think that the government is trying to get in your head, don’t waste your effort leaving a comment and find some help, quickly before you hurt yourself!

Lets all just embrace and develop this technology to do good things,  because of Twitter important information can be spread across the globe instantly, the riots in Myanmar, the beloved and overrated Ash-cloud and of course the hundreds of excited people in LA literally a few minutes before I wrote this letting the world know of an earthquake in California.

Sit down with a nice cuppa tea and enjoy the ride!

Window Sill

I can’t remember my first window sill; I was way too little to even contemplate the concept of looking out the window.

I became acquainted with my window sill after hearing the intense change from crystal clear soundlessness with a few owls here and there, to a hideous explosion of sound charging through the quiet atmosphere like it was cream cheese with chives.

So I lived with my bedroom a stone’s throw from a major road, back when even major roads were quiet in the night.

From this window sill I could watch the darkness conquer the dim misty blue to cover the house in a sheet of deep black with a sparkle of light from across the road.

I could secretly listen to my parents out on the terrace on hot summers, while pretending to be out with the rest of the kids from the street. Even have a peep from above until I clumsily moved something, and heard a curious but cautious “what you doing?” (As if I was about to jump or something. lol)

I couldn’t watch the insanely cluttered and obsessive Christmas lights on the house across the road, as they did hurt my eyes after a while.

The first time I was living away from the security of my parents, it was to look after a terrace house, which still had its 60 to 70s style imprinted on every room with effort, the somehow creaky wood panelling was so awful you could get splinters just by looking at it for too long, and the patterns on the carpet which gave the inspiration to stereograms (magic pictures).

I only remember the living room window sill where once we enjoyed a day full of entertainment while a seagull dive bombed countless students as they walked by its hardly noticeable baby.

Our next place was a big window sill FAIL, we were so trapped in this flat, one side we had a very major road, traffic lights, and a horrific public house with jobless dusty women-beaters part of the midday to dusk scenery. On the other side was nothing, literally nothing but building seen through a window that didn’t even open.

On leaving that hideous box we went to a breezy safe haven for three months, where I liked to sit by the window watching the waves sometimes batter the coast, and sometimes lick the heels of happy people with kites.

That would take me to where I am now, happily sitting on a window sill.

Imagine a huge window sill with room for a long cushion to perch my little bum while reading, writing, or just thinking.

Some people have the bedroom, some have their kitchen, some will never leave there glorious couch, some will use their bathroom as a safe haven, and I sometimes do, but mostly I like to lose myself on the window sill, not really looking out, but mostly letting the air hit my face energising my thoughts.

My first about Cancer

It always seems difficult to know what to write in times of sadness.

We feel like we want to say something to vent our terribly haunting emotions.

Or if you’re like me, sometimes it’s easy to be happy in your misery and not say anything at all.

I’ve heard that cancer will affect one in every three of us is some way or another, but for me it’s has seemed to be a big part of life, and I didn’t even realise it until recently.

My Grandmother on my father’s side, had skin cancer, my father also had skin cancer, my grandmother on my mums side suffered cancer three times in her life, and now recently my mother has been diagnosed with stage four kidney cancer.

In 2008, 15,211 people died from cancer.


If you think about that, and compare it to a disaster…for example in 1592, 15,000 people were killed in a plague which has made its mark in history, but cancer is doing this every year. In the future will we look back at these days as the age of cancer? I doubt it.

Im still waiting for the figures for 2009 but im sure we will see an increase.

I’ve always been aware of cancer, and how much effort the charities have to put in to keep our attention, I suppose the only reason cancer charities get as much money as they do is because cancer effects so many people.

Im writing this post to digest a few things that have just occurred to me about cancer, for example there isn’t just one cancer.

Pathology .

a.

a malignant and invasive growth or tumor, esp. oneoriginating in epithelium, tending to recur after excisionand to metastasize to other sites.

b.

any disease characterized by such growths.

any evil condition or thing that spreads destructively; blight.

I was about to type up the varying types of cancer, then I saw this from the National Cancer Institute.

Cancer Research UK has a shorter list, but I want to talk about kidney cancer.

My Mum had been complaining to the GP for a good while about a annoying ache at on her lower back, she did actually go a number of times, and each time the diagnosis would be stress of a pulled muscle so they gave her some anti-inflammatory drugs to keep the pain down. At this point I would like to show you how damaging Ibuprofen can be.

Eventually my mum was in hospital with so much pain, the doctors assumed that she had gall stones, until the ultrasound showed a massive lump which used to be the kidney.

Kidney cancer is a very slow moving cancer so its hugely likely that she has had this lump for a very very long time, maybe even years.

She had been complaining about the pains for well over a year or two.

Kidney Cancer is the 11th most common cancer in the UK, my mum was having breast screening very regularly because of her mother who had breast cancer.

Most people who are diagnosed are over 65, my mum is 50.

It affects many more men than women, this is because in the past more men smoked cigarettes.

I used to smoke, I started when I was 20 and I have been since 1st Jan 2010 without any, my mum had quit smoking a few months before, she had smoked all her life from her teens.

Causes of Kidney cancer: There are some kidney cancer risk factors we know about. These are:

  • Smoking – If you smoke your risk could be double that of a non smoker.
  • Chemicals at work – People working in some industries have a higher risk.
  • Faulty genes – Some people inherit a tendency to develop kidney cancer. This is called hereditary or familial kidney cancer. Certain inherited conditions also increase the risk.
  • Being obese
  • Having kidney disease that needs dialysis
  • Other risk factors that have been investigated and may increase risk include high blood pressure and heavy use of mild painkillers, such as aspirin, paracetamol, and ‘non steroidal anti inflammatory drugs’ (NSAIDs), such as ibuprofen.

Makes me quite sick to think that she was coming away from the GP prescribed with something that was helping her actually get cancer.

Enough for now.

[tek-nol-uh-jee]

We all need to get used to the way technology is moving, end of story…well its actually not the end, there is so more to come.

On Thursday I did one of those things that only professional commuters do, ran for the train in the last minute before it left, actually I felt really cool, as soon as I got on and closed the door, the train started  moving!

Anyway! I decided for once to use my seat reservation and sat down after a long walk down the train, while getting myself comfortable I noticed something shining in my face, it turned out to be an LCD touch screen mounted to the back of the seat in front of me.

At first I was slightly annoyed that this bright screen was showing clips of comedy shows I could watch if I used myphone to pay £1.50 or £3.50, but after thinking about, this is the way that technology is moving.

While I’m sitting in a café, I could not only drink my tea, coffee decaf coffee with one hand, but also with my other, use my smartphone to find the nearest McDonalds with a single press of a button, send a picture, video or song via email to anyone in the world, I can even watch TV.

When you’re out on a romantic walk you can use your smartphone to look up at the constellations buy lifting your phone up in the air to see through the screen as if it’s a microscope.

On the train I heard someone complain about the screen because he couldn’t turn it off, the ticket collector told him that he could move to another carriage  which didn’t have the screens, he still moaned, but I thought;

This is the way the world is going.

Who would have thought that 10 years ago we could hold what could only be described as a flat monitor which you can use by touching the screen, typing on the glass onto a virtual keyboard and connect to the internet without the need of wires.

What will be next?

I used to love looking at retro technology pictures, mainly because I’m the biggest geek I know! (Well not in size, I’m not obese or anything just in quality)

“George has just upgraded his Motorola DynaTac 8000 for the new HTC Evo”^

First sat nav!^

I actually just to have one of these!^

nuff said^

Oh and my personal favourite: a usb drive that holds 256GB, guess how much?

Back…..back…just a little more!….Stop!…whoops!…umm too much.

As this is the first time in so long I graced this keyboard with terrible spelling mistakes with the intention to create a blog post, I should really sign post some sort of landmark, or explain my absence from the choppy modern internet surf, but I’m not going to, mind your beeswax.

Since September I have been in a very different dimension, a dimension which can have an awful impact on the mind, it’s called “Nights”.

Surprisingly I was promoted into the, and lately it has just occurred to me how damaging “nights” can be to creativity.

I shifted my whole day forward instead of getting up at 6.00am ok 7.30am I’ve been getting up at 11.30am, getting ready and starting work at 1.30pm, even by that time most people are clock watching, starting to think about whether or not to wear the outrageous pink leggings when they go to that over-priced club, or even trying to schedule the complicated task of watching all the programmes they’ve sky+’d so they won’t run out of memory.  So the enthusiasm evaporated very quickly from my days.

When you’re in this mood you don’t tend to feel much like blogging.

Well in a few weeks I will be back on track, back to my usual tilted weirdness and talking about a spectrum of chaotic randomness.

So expect me back.